I love my husband, David, very much. I love spending time with him and I love date night! We have now been married over 5 years and together we have 3 beautiful kids who like to take up most of our (my) time. So, I think it is very important that we have time for just the two of us. I am all for the romance and love when David plans something special for us, but he is a busy man. So now that we're basically old pros at this whole being married thing I have taken over a lot of the responsibilities of date night.
Let me back up a bit first. When we were newlyweds it was just the two of us. For the first few months, ok maybe a year, we didn't really want to go anywhere or even hang out with friends much because we just wanted to be with each other. A couple years later kids came along and our time alone has slowly decreased, and group/double dates have gone down even more so, and that's ok. A few years ago when David was called to be in an Elders Quorum presidency we were both interviewed by the 1st Counselor in the Stake Presidency. (If all these words are sounding foreign to you you can look them up here) He gave us some advice that I'll never forget. He told my husband that it was his responsibility to take me on a date AT LEAST once a week. And when the kid(s) is/are there it doesn't count. He even said I could call him if my husband started slacking in that department. Haha!
Fast forward again. We still have date night every week. Sometimes the kids do come out to eat with us, but we make sure to spend time just the two of us as well. Not all of our dates are "out". We have a lot of at home dates after the kiddos go to bed. We feel like the most important thing is to have time together and we usually try to make it time where we can talk. (We haven't been to a movie theater together since I was pregnant with my 1st) Since time alone is so limited we try to make it meaningful- we usually watch a movie or TV together every night, so date night should be something more for us. If that is the only night you two get to see a movie then by all means, go for it!
Back to the part where I have taken over. If you read my post about family home evening you know that I kind of do that. Take over, that is. David knows that we need to have date night and he also likes to have date night. It is just hard for him to come up with creative ideas while he is working. We do usually talk about what the plan for date night is (yes I'm a huge planner too) or who will be planning it. Sometimes though I just tell him that I have it all planned and it's a surprise! Those are usually the ones we both look forward to most.
In our 5+ years together we have had ups and downs about making date night a priority. And let me tell you, those times when it is on the down we both feel it. I get all upset and super girly and feeling neglected which makes me snap at the kids and then feel like a bad mom. It's a vicious chain. As for David, he just doesn't seem to be as full of love as he usually is and he's way more distracted when he is home. We also tend to do our own thing a lot more and don't feel as connected as we should. We usually have a shorter fuse with each other at those times too. So moral of the story is, Kelcie and David need to date each other!
Some of our favorite dates have been:
Chocolate tasting: I bought a few gourmet style chocolate bars (Walmart actually has a nice selection) and a bottle of our favorite sparkling cider. (Apple-grape or something like that.) We took turns tasting and talking about what we like and dislike about each one and chose our favorites. We were also able just to spend some quiet time together and enjoy each other's company. Plus it's chocolate. Duh. There are so many flavors and brands out there that we will definitely do this one again.
Dollar Store Date: This one is always fun because it forces you to really think about your spouse and buy them a gift(s). Go to the dollar store and set a dollar limit or number of items (or just get each other one thing), set a time limit, and shop separately. After the time is up meet back together and present each other with the gifts (and explanations if necessary). Sometimes the gift itself can lead to another date night or extension of the one you're already on! We do this one a couple times a year.
Backyard Camping/Stargazing: We love to camp, but sometimes it's nice just to get outside alone after the kids go to bed. We like to set up a tent and/or air mattress and play games or watch stars together. Once again the quiet is nice! Games are also another go-to quick date night idea because we are both super competitive and they are just fun!
Go for a drive: This is how we find out where things are. We usually get a soda and treat for the ride first. We sometimes go up the canyon , just around town, or to see something specific. We rarely turn on the radio when we are in the car together because we always seem to find something to talk (or argue- did I mention we're competitive?) about. It's nice not to be searching for dropped sippy cups or saying "hey, you guys be nice!" every two seconds.
Trade back or foot massages: I am a big fan of this one. I don't know who wouldn't be. Maybe really ticklish people... Anyway, this also gives you time to connect and talk. Communication is very important, right? Plus it's nice to relax. Set a time limit so no one feels cheated out of a good massage haha!
Creativity counts, but spending time together is the most important. I'd love to hear your favorite date ideas too so please share!
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
3 ways to do FHE
We have been promised great blessings by our Prophets if we will follow the counsel to hold weekly family home evening. To learn more about family home evening (FHE)- purposes, ideas, resources, etc. go here. Even if you are familiar with the concept and/or practice of holding family home evening it is a great reminder and resource!
David and I started holding FHE as newlyweds- before all these children came along- which established a great foundation and habit for us to actually have FHE when those kids started showing up! In this post I am going to focus on FHE with toddlers as well as general ideas about how to get started.
In the title I promised 3 ways that I attempt to do FHE. I say attempt because, well, you'll find out in #3.
I am in no way perfect at this, but I have seen great blessings come from meeting together and learning as a family on a weekly basis. And now my 3 yr old asks almost daily if it's time for "family 'nevening", so how can I not do it? Okay I won't make you wait any longer. Here goes my 3 ways I tackle the task of FHE.
#1 Choose a Principle to Teach- This is how I usually start. I think of something I want to teach my family. Sometimes I'll ask David, because he does preside over our household, and he'll give suggestions on what he thinks we could learn. It often comes from recent experiences. For example, my kids hadn't been acting very reverent during the Sacrament lately, so I wanted to teach about reverence in family home evening. Sometimes it's less of a Gospel related topic and focuses more on something they could be doing better at home (i.e. sharing or cleaning up toys). Don't you worry though! I always find some way to include Heavenly Father or Jesus by saying something like "this makes Them happy" or "this shows respect and love". The point here is, you can teach anything good in your home and it can relate to the Gospel and be considered a family home evening lesson.
After I have chosen a principle to teach, I then find activities to go along with it. Coloring pages, acting out a story or situation, pictures or printouts easily recognized by small children (i.e. animals, food, family members, etc.) are a few of the favorites at our house. This part of the lesson is usually what you'll refer back to when putting the principle into practice. (While in Sacrament meeting I can remind my kids which animal they are trying to be like to be the most reverent- in case you're curious, it's a butterfly!) So make sure the activity is fun and memorable and any time your kids talk about it TRY to relate it back to the principle being taught. Otherwise you'll have memories of FHEs about sandwiches and butterflies!
In a lesson centered FHE the lesson part usually lasts 5-7 minutes and the activities last anywhere from 5-15 minutes. Obviously with adults and/or older kids you can use the Scriptures more and have discussions, but with toddlers simplicity is key!
#2 Choose Your Activity- This one is basically reverse of #1. First I/we choose an activity and then work in a lesson from there. Last night we really wanted to have a fire and roast s'mores as our FHE activity. Not super Gospel centered, right? Wrong! We made it work. We went up the canyon to have our fire, so first off the kids were obviously intrigued because we were leaving the house for FHE. When you are in the mountains or anywhere in nature it's hard not to be reminded of a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who created this world- and there you have it, the Creation. We taught about the Creation of the world- condensing for little ones. We mostly talked about how each day something different was created, focusing on the mountains, water, and animals. My son proceeded to tell us all about how Heavenly Father loves him and Jesus is in his heart. Awe... so sweet.
The lesson itself lasted probably 3 minutes, but our outing lasted almost 2 hours. As you can see the principle being taught during an activity centered FHE doesn't take center stage, but the fun family time is so important too! Plus it add variety.
#3 We forgot!- This is a little embarrassing to share because as you usually see on Facebook or hear from me, I have a strong testimony of the importance of family home evening. But.... even I forget sometimes. This is usually realized Monday evenings at the dinner table (we usually have FHE right after dinner on Mondays) a few minutes before everyone is finished eating. My eyes get really big and I kind of hold my breath and give David the "uh oh" look and tell him I forgot to plan FHE. Luckily with little ones we can discuss quick and low prep ideas right there over our last few bites in front of them. (I don't know why, but I kind of try to make FHE a surprise lesson/activity each week- seems more fun!- so we still talk discretely and don't make eye contact with the kids haha) Anyway, when it is super last minute our go-to plan is that David (the presiding priesthood holder in our family) will find a video (usually a Mormon Message) and we'll pop popcorn or break out a bag of candy.
I'm sure once you are well established with your weekly family home evenings that you'll find your own "I forgot" activity! Do what works. Don't "forget" every week though. Not cool.
Bonus Tips
I really do try to make FHE a priority and I start early on Monday planning and prepping for that evening. That way if I need to make, print, or buy something for the activity/lesson I have plenty of time and I don't have to scramble. Low stress that way. If it's stressful you won't want to do it.
Make it a habit. Do it every week and make sure your family expects it. You aren't in this alone. Let your family help remind you and hold you accountable for planning something. Yes it is the presiding priesthood holder's job to make sure your family is holding weekly FHE, but that does not mean you can't help. David works long days and he doesn't always have the time and resources to plan like I do. I do include him and give him opportunities to participate (asking him to tell a story from the scriptures or explain what something means, etc) and decide what to teach. I usually ask him if he has any ideas or feelings about what to teach Sunday night (a whole day in advance so he has time to think/pray). I am also the one with the kids all day, so that gives me more of an opportunity to know what they could use some help with or have a lesson on. David and I usually discuss what we think should be taught- the surprise isn't kept from him :)
Be flexible. Don't go into it thinking that it has to be a certain length of time or all activities have to be completely finished. Sometimes everyone is just done, so end there and if you missed something you wanted to do or teach save it for next week. You also don't always have to have a treat- ours is usually right before bedtime, so a treat isn't practical for toddlers trying to go to sleep soon. If you have teenagers participating though you might consider the treat a bribe haha!
Along with that, keep it simple. Don't try to overload their minds (at any age) with so much that they need to learn or change in their lives. It's a process and we learn line upon line (2 Nephi 28:30) There is always next week!
Use the scriptures! You children can be taught by stories from the scriptures and it is a great way to relate them to our time. It shows how important and helpful they can be to our lives.
Start and end with a prayer. Even if it's only ten minutes between the two, prayer sets it apart as a special time. It also invites the Spirit and teaches your family how to pray.
I definitely have lots of fun and specific FHE ideas that I have used and want to use- I usually post them on Facebook, but let me know if you're interested in detailed blog posts for each lesson or activity.
David and I started holding FHE as newlyweds- before all these children came along- which established a great foundation and habit for us to actually have FHE when those kids started showing up! In this post I am going to focus on FHE with toddlers as well as general ideas about how to get started.
In the title I promised 3 ways that I attempt to do FHE. I say attempt because, well, you'll find out in #3.
I am in no way perfect at this, but I have seen great blessings come from meeting together and learning as a family on a weekly basis. And now my 3 yr old asks almost daily if it's time for "family 'nevening", so how can I not do it? Okay I won't make you wait any longer. Here goes my 3 ways I tackle the task of FHE.
#1 Choose a Principle to Teach- This is how I usually start. I think of something I want to teach my family. Sometimes I'll ask David, because he does preside over our household, and he'll give suggestions on what he thinks we could learn. It often comes from recent experiences. For example, my kids hadn't been acting very reverent during the Sacrament lately, so I wanted to teach about reverence in family home evening. Sometimes it's less of a Gospel related topic and focuses more on something they could be doing better at home (i.e. sharing or cleaning up toys). Don't you worry though! I always find some way to include Heavenly Father or Jesus by saying something like "this makes Them happy" or "this shows respect and love". The point here is, you can teach anything good in your home and it can relate to the Gospel and be considered a family home evening lesson.
After I have chosen a principle to teach, I then find activities to go along with it. Coloring pages, acting out a story or situation, pictures or printouts easily recognized by small children (i.e. animals, food, family members, etc.) are a few of the favorites at our house. This part of the lesson is usually what you'll refer back to when putting the principle into practice. (While in Sacrament meeting I can remind my kids which animal they are trying to be like to be the most reverent- in case you're curious, it's a butterfly!) So make sure the activity is fun and memorable and any time your kids talk about it TRY to relate it back to the principle being taught. Otherwise you'll have memories of FHEs about sandwiches and butterflies!
In a lesson centered FHE the lesson part usually lasts 5-7 minutes and the activities last anywhere from 5-15 minutes. Obviously with adults and/or older kids you can use the Scriptures more and have discussions, but with toddlers simplicity is key!
 |
| Playing the roll of Ammon |
 |
| Coloring the Armour of God |
#2 Choose Your Activity- This one is basically reverse of #1. First I/we choose an activity and then work in a lesson from there. Last night we really wanted to have a fire and roast s'mores as our FHE activity. Not super Gospel centered, right? Wrong! We made it work. We went up the canyon to have our fire, so first off the kids were obviously intrigued because we were leaving the house for FHE. When you are in the mountains or anywhere in nature it's hard not to be reminded of a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who created this world- and there you have it, the Creation. We taught about the Creation of the world- condensing for little ones. We mostly talked about how each day something different was created, focusing on the mountains, water, and animals. My son proceeded to tell us all about how Heavenly Father loves him and Jesus is in his heart. Awe... so sweet.
The lesson itself lasted probably 3 minutes, but our outing lasted almost 2 hours. As you can see the principle being taught during an activity centered FHE doesn't take center stage, but the fun family time is so important too! Plus it add variety.
 |
| Feeding the ducks has become a favorite. |
#3 We forgot!- This is a little embarrassing to share because as you usually see on Facebook or hear from me, I have a strong testimony of the importance of family home evening. But.... even I forget sometimes. This is usually realized Monday evenings at the dinner table (we usually have FHE right after dinner on Mondays) a few minutes before everyone is finished eating. My eyes get really big and I kind of hold my breath and give David the "uh oh" look and tell him I forgot to plan FHE. Luckily with little ones we can discuss quick and low prep ideas right there over our last few bites in front of them. (I don't know why, but I kind of try to make FHE a surprise lesson/activity each week- seems more fun!- so we still talk discretely and don't make eye contact with the kids haha) Anyway, when it is super last minute our go-to plan is that David (the presiding priesthood holder in our family) will find a video (usually a Mormon Message) and we'll pop popcorn or break out a bag of candy.
I'm sure once you are well established with your weekly family home evenings that you'll find your own "I forgot" activity! Do what works. Don't "forget" every week though. Not cool.
Bonus Tips
I really do try to make FHE a priority and I start early on Monday planning and prepping for that evening. That way if I need to make, print, or buy something for the activity/lesson I have plenty of time and I don't have to scramble. Low stress that way. If it's stressful you won't want to do it.
Make it a habit. Do it every week and make sure your family expects it. You aren't in this alone. Let your family help remind you and hold you accountable for planning something. Yes it is the presiding priesthood holder's job to make sure your family is holding weekly FHE, but that does not mean you can't help. David works long days and he doesn't always have the time and resources to plan like I do. I do include him and give him opportunities to participate (asking him to tell a story from the scriptures or explain what something means, etc) and decide what to teach. I usually ask him if he has any ideas or feelings about what to teach Sunday night (a whole day in advance so he has time to think/pray). I am also the one with the kids all day, so that gives me more of an opportunity to know what they could use some help with or have a lesson on. David and I usually discuss what we think should be taught- the surprise isn't kept from him :)
Be flexible. Don't go into it thinking that it has to be a certain length of time or all activities have to be completely finished. Sometimes everyone is just done, so end there and if you missed something you wanted to do or teach save it for next week. You also don't always have to have a treat- ours is usually right before bedtime, so a treat isn't practical for toddlers trying to go to sleep soon. If you have teenagers participating though you might consider the treat a bribe haha!
Along with that, keep it simple. Don't try to overload their minds (at any age) with so much that they need to learn or change in their lives. It's a process and we learn line upon line (2 Nephi 28:30) There is always next week!
Use the scriptures! You children can be taught by stories from the scriptures and it is a great way to relate them to our time. It shows how important and helpful they can be to our lives.
Start and end with a prayer. Even if it's only ten minutes between the two, prayer sets it apart as a special time. It also invites the Spirit and teaches your family how to pray.
I definitely have lots of fun and specific FHE ideas that I have used and want to use- I usually post them on Facebook, but let me know if you're interested in detailed blog posts for each lesson or activity.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Not Quite the Old Woman in the Shoe
A lot of parents with one or two children are always asking me how I do it. I have three toddlers right now and apparently my life looks crazy or like I "have my hands full." It doesn't feel that way thought. I'm always telling strangers it looks crazier than it feels. To tell you the truth, it has felt so completely normal.
I only actually had two kids for 18 minutes, and that WAS craziness, but I wasn't the one caring for them at that time. So... I don't even know what it's like to have two, so I can't help you with that transition, sorry. There are plenty of moms out there with a lot more children than I have, but I'll attempt to bring you some insight into my kid craze.
My husband and I are very prayerful with decisions and that includes when to have kids and how to raise them. (3 under age 2 not sounding so insane now right?) I am confident that I would not make it through the day without the Lord's help. He helps me feel peace and comfort when I need it the most. He helps me know what and how to teach my children. He also gives me strength on those tough days (and believe me there are plenty) to press forward and turn it around the next day.
That being said, in all honesty it has been a constant assembly line at my house since we brought the girls home from the hospital. Line up to get your diaper changed, your belly filled, your face cleaned, and your cuddles from mom and dad. Even when we try to teach them something new we try to do it one at a time.
They have grown a lot since then and now I have a 3 year old boy and two 18 month old girls. So yes, toddlers can be "crazy", but now they are able to do things for themselves!
First of all, they can walk and I don't have to carry them everywhere. They are all in "big kid" car seats. (No more infant carriers for these three!) So I just herd them out to the car instead.
The girls still take 2 naps each day and on their second nap my son joins them. Yes, they all sleep AT THE SAME TIME! That is a miracle in and of itself. They are all in bed by 8 o'clock at night and sleep until 7-8 in the morning, which gives us some alone time and allows me to recuperate for the next day.
My son is also potty trained and we said goodbye to those diapers over a year ago which cut down on cost as well as one child I have throw through the changing table line.
They are no longer nursing because, let's be honest, that would be weird at this point... (I am all for breast milk, so don't get rude with me.) They eat regular meals with the family which means I no longer have to make baby food or special meals at random times. And for some reason they think breakfast needs to last about an hour, so I use that time to do things I don't want them getting into while they are locked up in their high chairs.
My son is like the most obedient child ever. I am pretty sure that God knew I'd need him to be that way when He decided to send me two sweet and independent girls at the same time. My girls are also learning what is okay and what is not. Don't get me wrong, they still fight over toys and have a hard time taking turns, but we're making progress.
I put these kids to work! It's not child labor, it's called chores. Now this one takes A LOT of patience, because it really is easier to do it myself for now. But how will they learn? Right now they want to help, so why not let them? They help me with laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and they pick up their own toys and books. This requires a lot of supervision, but I am confident that if they learn now they won't be able to say, "I don't know how" later! And hopefully one day I'll have some real help tackling this mess!
As of this week I will have 3 kids in nursery at church. (a big THANK YOU to their teachers!) Which means David and I can actually pay attention in Sunday school, Relief Society, and Young Men's. We have been counting down to nursery for six months. Hopefully they love it.
They LOVE to go to the store. As long as there is a special cart for them. (Car carts, the "blue carts" that have extra seats, or the giant double seat carts like at Costco) I can take them all to the store every couple of weeks to do my grocery shopping, and despite what the nice strangers at the store say, I am not, in fact, pulling my hair out! Unless we can't find a special cart, then it really can become a nightmare.
So as you can see I actually do leave the house! It is nice sometimes to get out of the house and have a change of pace. With a days notice I can go just about anywhere, to lunch with a friend, visiting teaching, or even camping! Sometimes we get babysitters, but I have learned to take them with me a lot more often.
I definitely have to have "me time." Nap time is great for that. That's why I have them help me clean, so I'm not using my alone time to clean up. I do get to shower and I usually do that during the girls' first nap unless we have to be somewhere, then I get up before the kids do. Which isn't horrible when they sleep in until 8:30- this actually happens sometimes.
I'd like to think I have it figured out, but like I said, I'm not alone in this. I have a wonderful husband who rescues me on those tough days and the Lord is always with me as long as I'm trying. I have wonderful family who love to spend time with them and help with the babysitting. I love my life and I love my kids. I am so grateful Heavenly Father has blessed me with these sweet little ones. Good luck to all you parents with any number of children! Just try hard and pray harder! And when all else fails, Little Einsteins is on Netflix :)
I only actually had two kids for 18 minutes, and that WAS craziness, but I wasn't the one caring for them at that time. So... I don't even know what it's like to have two, so I can't help you with that transition, sorry. There are plenty of moms out there with a lot more children than I have, but I'll attempt to bring you some insight into my kid craze.
My husband and I are very prayerful with decisions and that includes when to have kids and how to raise them. (3 under age 2 not sounding so insane now right?) I am confident that I would not make it through the day without the Lord's help. He helps me feel peace and comfort when I need it the most. He helps me know what and how to teach my children. He also gives me strength on those tough days (and believe me there are plenty) to press forward and turn it around the next day.
 |
| It's not easy to get everyone to look or hold still for a picture though! |
They have grown a lot since then and now I have a 3 year old boy and two 18 month old girls. So yes, toddlers can be "crazy", but now they are able to do things for themselves!
First of all, they can walk and I don't have to carry them everywhere. They are all in "big kid" car seats. (No more infant carriers for these three!) So I just herd them out to the car instead.
The girls still take 2 naps each day and on their second nap my son joins them. Yes, they all sleep AT THE SAME TIME! That is a miracle in and of itself. They are all in bed by 8 o'clock at night and sleep until 7-8 in the morning, which gives us some alone time and allows me to recuperate for the next day.
My son is also potty trained and we said goodbye to those diapers over a year ago which cut down on cost as well as one child I have throw through the changing table line.
They are no longer nursing because, let's be honest, that would be weird at this point... (I am all for breast milk, so don't get rude with me.) They eat regular meals with the family which means I no longer have to make baby food or special meals at random times. And for some reason they think breakfast needs to last about an hour, so I use that time to do things I don't want them getting into while they are locked up in their high chairs.
My son is like the most obedient child ever. I am pretty sure that God knew I'd need him to be that way when He decided to send me two sweet and independent girls at the same time. My girls are also learning what is okay and what is not. Don't get me wrong, they still fight over toys and have a hard time taking turns, but we're making progress.
I put these kids to work! It's not child labor, it's called chores. Now this one takes A LOT of patience, because it really is easier to do it myself for now. But how will they learn? Right now they want to help, so why not let them? They help me with laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and they pick up their own toys and books. This requires a lot of supervision, but I am confident that if they learn now they won't be able to say, "I don't know how" later! And hopefully one day I'll have some real help tackling this mess!
As of this week I will have 3 kids in nursery at church. (a big THANK YOU to their teachers!) Which means David and I can actually pay attention in Sunday school, Relief Society, and Young Men's. We have been counting down to nursery for six months. Hopefully they love it.
They LOVE to go to the store. As long as there is a special cart for them. (Car carts, the "blue carts" that have extra seats, or the giant double seat carts like at Costco) I can take them all to the store every couple of weeks to do my grocery shopping, and despite what the nice strangers at the store say, I am not, in fact, pulling my hair out! Unless we can't find a special cart, then it really can become a nightmare.
So as you can see I actually do leave the house! It is nice sometimes to get out of the house and have a change of pace. With a days notice I can go just about anywhere, to lunch with a friend, visiting teaching, or even camping! Sometimes we get babysitters, but I have learned to take them with me a lot more often.
I definitely have to have "me time." Nap time is great for that. That's why I have them help me clean, so I'm not using my alone time to clean up. I do get to shower and I usually do that during the girls' first nap unless we have to be somewhere, then I get up before the kids do. Which isn't horrible when they sleep in until 8:30- this actually happens sometimes.
I'd like to think I have it figured out, but like I said, I'm not alone in this. I have a wonderful husband who rescues me on those tough days and the Lord is always with me as long as I'm trying. I have wonderful family who love to spend time with them and help with the babysitting. I love my life and I love my kids. I am so grateful Heavenly Father has blessed me with these sweet little ones. Good luck to all you parents with any number of children! Just try hard and pray harder! And when all else fails, Little Einsteins is on Netflix :)