One time there was something hard that I had to go through. I probably wasn't ok, but I let people think I was ok. It was my battle, not theirs. I turned to my Heavenly Father and I prayed. After time, I was ok.
I say "one time", but this has happened a lot. I don't know anyone who hasn't had to do something that was hard for them. I would like to think that I was exempt from the "trials and hardships" list.
But I'm not. You may have even known me when I was going through one of these times. Hopefully you didn't know about it. Hopefully I did a good enough job that I was able to make you think that all was well and that I was ok.
Now that I have probably made some of you worried and others think I'm crazy, let me explain.
I am naturally a positive person. We've talked about this before. (See previous posts) I smile more than I frown. I usually have a "be nice" or "be positive" answer to everyone else's problems. And if every day isn't sunshine and rainbows, I usually let it roll of my back and try again the next day. Maybe it's more of a "whatever" personality than a positive one. Either way, I consider myself blessed to have this outlook on life. There is a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned always.
With that being said, when something isn't going the way I would have chosen, or when something is hard I TRY to keep it to myself (or at least between David and myself). It's not because I don't trust people. It's not because I don't want anyone to know what's going on. It's not even because I'm scared. It is because there is enough negativity and bad stuff going on in this world, that I try my hardest not to contribute to it. I don't need to cause worry, frustration, or pain for others if it isn't necessary. There are some things you need to know. There are some that you don't. It's not going to hurt you, and it's not me keeping secrets. It's just "whatever".
Have I confused you by my vagueness yet?
I am a firm believer that one person's trials are specifically for them. If an outsider looks at their "problems" they might think, "I could NEVER go through that!" Well, one day you might have to. Wouldn't it be nice to be prepared? I think so too. Sometimes there are things that you could never prepare for, but knowing that anything could happen helps a little. That doesn't mean we have to live in fear. It means that we should make the most of what we have. Thank the Lord for the good times, and rely on Him during the hard times.
When I lived in Orem, I met a lady who had had several miscarriages. She had not yet had a baby before she moved away, but she was the most positive person I had ever met. Since then she has had a beautiful healthy baby girl. I watched her and decided that is how I wanted to approach any of my trials in the future- with positivity! I know that's easier said than done, but from her that's all I saw. Maybe behind closed doors she was different, but because of her actions that I saw she was an example to me.
I hope to be that example to someone else. I don't pretend to have it easy all the time. I have gone through some things that if you only knew, you might say to yourselves, "I could never do that." I know, because I've said that too. I'm not a robot. I'm actually a very emotional person. I cry. A lot. I don't keep it bottled up. I talk to my husband all the time. (That's what he's there for, right??) And we work through it all together. You should not be worried about me. I promise.
Sometimes I'm not ok. And that's ok. Sometimes I am. Just thought you should know.
The grass is always greener on the other side, right?
