Confessions of a Control Freak Mama

Currently my children are ages 5 (and a half), almost 4, and almost 4 (in just a few days). They are at a very independent age, or so we all think.

I am a big fan of having their help when it suits my needs. I know I need to be better at allowing them to help when they would like to, but I'm afraid I have control issues- most specifically, when it involves my laundry and my kitchen.

They would LOVE if I let them help prepare and cook every meal. But to them, helping does NOT mean getting things from the fridge/pantry/storage room, nor does it involve collecting items that go in the garbage. They want to stir. They want to measure. They want to pour. They want to mix. They want to chop. They want to turn on the oven and set the timer. (As I type these tasks, none of them seem to outrageous except maybe the chopping one, and I do realize I sound like a crazy person now.) But teaching them the "right way" to do it all takes FOREVER! (Have I also mentioned I'm not particularly patient?) It's also usually pretty messy when they help, which is really no different from when I cook because I'm also a messy cook... (More crazy, non-logic) Ugh. I think I've already talked myself into letting them help more.

I have had a few specific independent kitchen moments that have left me shaking my head and rolling my eyes this past week. One of my kids' favorite quick breakfasts is Nutella on toast. My son has been making this by himself for a couple months now after I showed him how. Besides the chocolate hazelnut coated knives that end up on the counter and lids that don't always end up back on the jar, he's been doing fine. Recently his little sisters decided they needed to make their own too, but since he was using one jar of Nutella already, and it was getting a little empty, they needed to open the second jar. I bought these jars at Costco. I now have two enormous jars (the picture doesn't do them justice) of Nutella open in my pantry and three dirty knives in the kitchen. I hope Nutella doesn't go bad quickly...

 I've been letting them make their own instant oatmeal for a little while now too because it's pretty straightforward, and they've been doing well with it. A few days ago, however, one of the girls decided to take control of the microwave. I'm assuming she pushed the wrong time, because she burned her oatmeal badly. My entire house was filled with a burnt oatmeal smell for the rest of the day. Oh man, it was bad. It smelled way worse than this picture looks.

Lesson for the kitchen= more supervision during breakfast and let go of the little messes because it'll only make me crazier. I have also started to make meals that they can help customize, such as homemade pizza, more often. This way they feel like they're helping, but if they make it messy, it's only their food not mine ha! Let me know if you have suggestions for ways to let 3 kids help in the kitchen at the same time (because you know they won't allow one-on-one time to happen).

They also like to do the parts of the laundry that I'm very particular about. I roll our towels instead of folding them because it looks prettier in the linen closet, but they want to do it, which makes me feel the need to redo it... taking 2x as long again... I also hang clothes on the hangers in a specific direction according to which closet they go in for optimal viewing when choosing an outfit. (Yep, I hear the OCD tendencies coming through too.) And those are the things they want to help me with! I would much rather them put the clean laundry where it goes after I've folded/rolled/hung up everything, or collect the dirty laundry and bring it to me. I have (luckily) found a way to let go a little bit with this. They're allowed to dump their entire basket of laundry in the washer without sorting (gasp!), I let them fold the kitchen towels and wash cloths however they like, and I'll let them fold socks AFTER they've put everything else away. Most days I don't even fold the kids' clothes because they just end up like this:

It's all about balance I suppose. Most of the time it just feels easier to do it alone, but I keep reminding myself that if I don't teach them, they'll one day leave the house for good and they won't know how to take care of themselves.

I'm a good mom. I know that and I want you to know that just in case you think I'm beating myself up over this, because I'm not. I laugh. I shake my head at their shenanigans. I keep trying to find ways to get them involved that won't make nervous or frustrated and will allow them to feel like they're accomplishing something by themselves. I'm constantly doing better and so are they.

Do you have things you try too hard to control? Let's help each other.

Thanks for checking in with our family adventures this week. Hurricane Hansen strikes again. Do you have a name for your chaos? Do you even notice the chaos? Most of mine I can ignore it, but these two points (kitchen and laundry) are the ones I struggle to let go of. Now you know.