Confessions of a Control Freak Mama

Currently my children are ages 5 (and a half), almost 4, and almost 4 (in just a few days). They are at a very independent age, or so we all think.

I am a big fan of having their help when it suits my needs. I know I need to be better at allowing them to help when they would like to, but I'm afraid I have control issues- most specifically, when it involves my laundry and my kitchen.

They would LOVE if I let them help prepare and cook every meal. But to them, helping does NOT mean getting things from the fridge/pantry/storage room, nor does it involve collecting items that go in the garbage. They want to stir. They want to measure. They want to pour. They want to mix. They want to chop. They want to turn on the oven and set the timer. (As I type these tasks, none of them seem to outrageous except maybe the chopping one, and I do realize I sound like a crazy person now.) But teaching them the "right way" to do it all takes FOREVER! (Have I also mentioned I'm not particularly patient?) It's also usually pretty messy when they help, which is really no different from when I cook because I'm also a messy cook... (More crazy, non-logic) Ugh. I think I've already talked myself into letting them help more.

I have had a few specific independent kitchen moments that have left me shaking my head and rolling my eyes this past week. One of my kids' favorite quick breakfasts is Nutella on toast. My son has been making this by himself for a couple months now after I showed him how. Besides the chocolate hazelnut coated knives that end up on the counter and lids that don't always end up back on the jar, he's been doing fine. Recently his little sisters decided they needed to make their own too, but since he was using one jar of Nutella already, and it was getting a little empty, they needed to open the second jar. I bought these jars at Costco. I now have two enormous jars (the picture doesn't do them justice) of Nutella open in my pantry and three dirty knives in the kitchen. I hope Nutella doesn't go bad quickly...

 I've been letting them make their own instant oatmeal for a little while now too because it's pretty straightforward, and they've been doing well with it. A few days ago, however, one of the girls decided to take control of the microwave. I'm assuming she pushed the wrong time, because she burned her oatmeal badly. My entire house was filled with a burnt oatmeal smell for the rest of the day. Oh man, it was bad. It smelled way worse than this picture looks.

Lesson for the kitchen= more supervision during breakfast and let go of the little messes because it'll only make me crazier. I have also started to make meals that they can help customize, such as homemade pizza, more often. This way they feel like they're helping, but if they make it messy, it's only their food not mine ha! Let me know if you have suggestions for ways to let 3 kids help in the kitchen at the same time (because you know they won't allow one-on-one time to happen).

They also like to do the parts of the laundry that I'm very particular about. I roll our towels instead of folding them because it looks prettier in the linen closet, but they want to do it, which makes me feel the need to redo it... taking 2x as long again... I also hang clothes on the hangers in a specific direction according to which closet they go in for optimal viewing when choosing an outfit. (Yep, I hear the OCD tendencies coming through too.) And those are the things they want to help me with! I would much rather them put the clean laundry where it goes after I've folded/rolled/hung up everything, or collect the dirty laundry and bring it to me. I have (luckily) found a way to let go a little bit with this. They're allowed to dump their entire basket of laundry in the washer without sorting (gasp!), I let them fold the kitchen towels and wash cloths however they like, and I'll let them fold socks AFTER they've put everything else away. Most days I don't even fold the kids' clothes because they just end up like this:

It's all about balance I suppose. Most of the time it just feels easier to do it alone, but I keep reminding myself that if I don't teach them, they'll one day leave the house for good and they won't know how to take care of themselves.

I'm a good mom. I know that and I want you to know that just in case you think I'm beating myself up over this, because I'm not. I laugh. I shake my head at their shenanigans. I keep trying to find ways to get them involved that won't make nervous or frustrated and will allow them to feel like they're accomplishing something by themselves. I'm constantly doing better and so are they.

Do you have things you try too hard to control? Let's help each other.

Thanks for checking in with our family adventures this week. Hurricane Hansen strikes again. Do you have a name for your chaos? Do you even notice the chaos? Most of mine I can ignore it, but these two points (kitchen and laundry) are the ones I struggle to let go of. Now you know.

4 Ways To Sneak In Some Reading Time

If you're like me, you're busy. If you're like almost every other person on earth, you're busy- especially if you're a parent. We all get it. Everyone is busy. So, we set priorities. These priorities are different for everyone. Let's try to discover where your reading priorities stand.

Most people fall into one of these four categories (some might be in between):

1. Loves to read, takes books to social events, will choose reading over almost every other activity, reads for fun and to increase knowledge, has to be constantly reminded by friends and family to stop reading and join the conversation/activity, believes there are never too many books, and spends a lot of time in a library (personal or public)

2. Likes to read, understands the importance of reading, tries to read when time permits, reads a variety of styles- trying to balance the book knowledge intake with fun reading, reads to the kiddos and encourages healthy book habits

3. Knows reading is important, but believes knowledge can come from other sources just as well, doesn't really have time for it, will read books to the kids if asked, feels a little guilty for the lack of knowledge on specific subjects or lack of study time, doesn't necessarily enjoy reading, owns a few books, ends up mostly with self-improvement style books (this can include scripture or textbooks as well)

4. Does not like to read, believes books were only created to make movies, does not encourage children to read, feels no guilt whatsoever for not reading or owning books, doesn't give reading or books a second thought most days

Did you think of someone specific while reading this list? Is there something you could add to any of these? If so, I'd love for you to leave a comment!

You might have attempted to categorize family members and friends, but I hope you at least figured out where you fall.

If you find yourself in the 4th category, I'm going to have to save your help for another day. I'd love to talk about ways to enjoy reading and understand why it's important, but I'm going to have to stick to the focus of the current post- sneaking in some reading time when you're super duper busy!

Now, if you find yourself in the 1st category, you likely don't have trouble finding time to read because you have already set that as a huge priority. I'm sure many of us would like to hear how you find balance in your life (if you do). Please share!

I guess I have already narrowed down the audience for this post to include those who find themselves somewhere in the middle- for those wanting to read, but feeling to busy/overwhelmed to do so very often. Hopefully some of these ideas will work for you!

Now for the good stuff- 

4 Ways To Sneak In Some Reading Time

1. Read e-Books
While this is not my favorite option (I prefer paper books), it does solve a common problem. Often the "free time" people have comes in 5-10 minute increments. Let's face it, we always have our phones on us, and if your current book is on your phone, you can pull it out instead of crushing some candy, stalking people on social media, or saving 50 billion recipes you're never going to cook. E-books do have some perks as well. You can save your spot no matter where you end on a page without any damage, they're super portable and not nearly as heavy as a book filled with paper, you can find free books to read via several apps/ memberships, and fill your device with several titles at once. So, whether you're hiding from your kiddos or your work in the bathroom, waiting for your next meeting or class, sitting in the parking lot eagerly awaiting the end of school day bell, or watching water boil for your evening meal, you have time to read!

2. Pack a Book
Besides being busy, we all have something else in common. We have to wait. It doesn't matter if we're waiting for a parent teacher conference, a work meeting, a bus, a doctor's appointment, or your child to put on his or her shoes (seriously, why does it take so long???), but we all have something. If you're not quite to this stage of your book-obsessed life yet, you can definitely pull out that trusty phone. I'm not saying people will judge you, but you might make more real-life friends if you're holding a legitimate book instead of mindlessly scrolling on your phone. If you don't want to make friends, that's cool too. Just hold your book in front of your face! Ha! Oh boy, I'm getting a little off track here. The point is, if you're reading this, maybe you're looking for some real help. My advice to squeeze more reading into your day is to pack a book wherever you go. Keep one in your car, your backpack, purse, pocket (though this is not really an option for those who wear women's pants with the tiny, or fake, pockets), wherever. A slowly start to train yourself to pull out the book instead of the phone.

**Quick note**
I realize I appear to be anti-phone here, but I would like to be clear that I do enjoy my phone (probably too much), and the point of this post is to help increase reading time. Hope that helps. Ok, back to the list.

3. Listen to Audio Books
Again, not my favorite option because I don't absorb a lot of information by listening, but it's a great option for anyone who might be auditory learners, has a lot of driving time, reads slowly, or has a job or project to complete that would allow them to listen while they work. My husband has a construction job and he often works alone. He prefers to listen to talks and books- especially scripture- while he works instead of music. And he is NOT a reader. Just a few short years ago I would have put him into the 4th category above, but I think I'm starting to influence his habits a little bit because he has moved up to #3. He learns a lot more than I do when he listens, and while he reads very well, it does take him about 2-3 times longer to read something. Audio books might take some getting used to for those who prefer to read, but if it works for you, it would be a great way to fill your life with more books.

4. Choose a Book
As hard as it is to believe, even the busiest people have some down time. It's what you do in that down time that counts. If you're really trying to add more reading time to your life, choose to read a book instead of other leisure activities. Instead of watching a movie or TV, choose a book. When the kids head off to school or go down for a nap, choose a book to fill your time. When given the choice between a shower and a bubble bath, choose the bath- you can read a book in it! I could go on and on, but the point is to make meaningful choices for your time, and if you're trying to make reading a priority, books are going to meaningful to you.

I recently finished a scripture challenge which I was only able to complete because I used several of my own tips from above. I read from my phone whenever I had a minute. (Yep, many of those "free minute" examples from tip #1 came from my real life experience.) I took my scriptures with me when I was going to places I knew I'd be waiting. I listened to scriptures in the car- not for very long, and only when it was crunch time, but I did it. And most of all, I made it a priority.

I hope you can take a tip or two from this post. Do you have any of your own experiences or tips to add to my list? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for stopping by.

Happy Reading!